I feel like I sometimes sugar-coat things when talking about my experiences here, so in this post I'm gunna tell it how it is and say a few words about harassment. Being a young, white, unmarried woman is not an easy thing in this culture. Every conversation with a male Malian goes one of two ways; in the first scenario, he asks if I'm married, I say no, he asks if I will marry him, I ask why, he says he wants to marry a white woman, I say no, he asks if I'm racist. In scenario number two he asks if I'm married, I say yes, he says where is your husband, I say he's in America (or Bamako, or Segou, or wherever), he asks if my husband is white, I say yes, he asks if I'm racist. I say, yes, obviously I'm racist since I chose to live in Africa for two years doing development work!
In addition to marriage proposals and accusations of racism, lets talk about physical harassment. The other day I was buying sugar at a boutique, and a man grabbed my ass. I turned around and yelled at him, and then he LAUGHED. And the other men sitting around watching also laughed. I don't know which was more infuriating - the harassment or the absolute lack of respect conveyed by the laughter.
Later that day, walking through the city, I was followed by a group of children chanting "tubabu" (white person) and asking for money. When I said 'no' and walked on, they began throwing rocks at me. I turned around and yelled at them, and they laughed.
These bad apples, of which there are many, make it necessary to approach every situation with caution, and make it difficult to trust even the good apples, of which there are also many. It's easy to forget, after a bad experience, about the abundance of wonderful people I've met here and it's easy to write off all Malians as peccant and offensive.
This kind of harassment has never occurred in my village. There, I feel like a welcome addition to the community. Everyone knows my name, and shows me an incredible amount of respect and hospitality. It's a welcome change after leaving the anonymity vexation of the city.
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6 comments:
it's weird to say, but i'm glad to hear the bad along with the good because you seem to have such a good attitude about it. i guess all you can do is focus on your village - they're the ones who really understand what you're there for anyway!
Hi there friend! I am a blog reader from the Philippines. I am happy to found your interesting site. It is really worth visiting.
Mary - before you say "yes" or "no", you should ask how many chickens or goats they have and pretend to consider. That way your refusal is purely economic snobbery. "I'm sorry, you don't run a poultry farm? You won't be able to supply my omlet needs - this just isn't going to work."
Seriously, I'm glad you don't experience this in your village and I'm sorry it's been such a pain.
-Amy
Amy -
Their answer would be, of course, something like "you're white; you have lots of money. You can buy as many chickens and goats as you want."
Harrassment is universal. Butt-grab is not limited to Mali - nor to females!
When I travelled alone in your birth country, Mary, I used to wear baby items prominently displayed. It didn't stop the many offers, but it change the topic. Of course, the men had to ask me if all my babies were white!
muso, i was in tears over this (but only once because usually humor worked)... and racist? they really ask that? (i think that's what had me in tears, but i thought it was an isolated prick! i didn't know it went viral!)
do you ask them if they asked you to marry them because you're white? or because you cook amazing toh?
tell them, no, it's not because they're black, it's because they're ugly. it works. well... it worked.
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